Since I rarely have written about psychology here, I'm going to skip a big intro and dig right in. I've just been having some thoughts I want to try out.
There are three main personality disorders: borderline, narcissistic, and schizoid. Narcissism in the clinical setting requires the consistent presentation of five or more behaviors from a list set out in the DSM in order to reach a diagnosis; it is not what pop culture references when it really means egotism.
The word of course comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus, the beautiful young man who fell in love with his own reflection. An accepted definition of narcissism today is "a fixation with oneself and one's physical appearance or public perception."
Narcissistic personality disorder is, in my opinion, best described using object relations theory. In this theory the early (infantile) interactions between subject (self) and object (other) create the basis for enduring psychological traits that can be positive or negative. When the traits are pervasive and negative, they can be (but are not always) grouped as a disorder of personality.
For the NPD sufferer, from what I have studied, the main conflict between subject and object arises from a failure of the object to properly "mirror" the subject, and that means exactly what it sounds like. This especially shows up later in childhood when the disordered person can have more social interactions and, of course, speak. The easiest way to describe it is in the most common areas where objects fail to properly mirror: when it comes to opinions and desires.
Of course, much of an individual's identity can be described by their opinions and desires, and also values, etc. But when the object's subjective thoughts/feelings fail to fall in line with those of the disordered person, harsh and degrading reactions are often the result. The NPD sufferer will lash out regarding the differing worldview instead of learning to accept it as belonging rightfully to the object.
In effect, it could be assumed that the NP (narcissist personality) does not realize there are other worldviews beyond her or his own. This could explain why they may appear cavalier about socially unacceptable behaviors like infidelity or fraud (and how the "narcissist" label gets affixed to popular figures who otherwise do not present for the disorder)
There's way, way more to this common reaction among NPs, including how inner part-objects function and the role of projection, but I'll need to skip that. For more reading, I've including a list at the end of this post.
My thought is that using the word narcissist to describe this set of disordered behaviors is inaccurate, and a different word should be used.
Schizoid personality disorder, also best described using object relations theory, stands apart from NPD and BPD in that the sufferer usually does not cause outward havoc or toxic relationships under normal circumstances. SP's, whether or not socially withdrawn, are intensely disattuned to personal and intimate attachment. "The libidinal attachment appears to be with oneself." Libido is a word that has been coopted by various sex psychologies and therefore we generally think of it as sex drive; but psychoanalytically it has more to do with psychic fascination - fascination with other people, with objects, with places, etc. ("Psychic" here relating to the psyche, or self).
The schizoid person's libidinal attachments are to her or his self, lived as a powerfully emotional and endlessly detailed inner world the sufferer carries with them from early childhood. This fascination with the "objects" that have been projected back into the subject replaces the fascination that would normally become the libido used to develop deep friendships, and intimate relationships. Of course, SPD is not about sex - it's about a fundamental and unconscious disdain for the idea of the physical subject, fears of absorption, and infantile coping strategies in the face of abandonment and/or neglect.
In this way, I feel that schizoid personality disorder would actually be served better by being called narcissistic personality disorder. The crux of the Narcissus myth is that he, literally or figuratively, fell in love with himself - the libidinal attachment was to himself. He did not come to his demise by begging for attention and accolades, by being materialistic and over-confident, which is how modern culture thinks of narcissism. His demise was his libidinal attachment to himself. Further, his myth relays how he traditionally scorned all intimacy, with the reason being that no one was good enough for him. Perhaps? Or perhaps that explanation comes from the bruised perspective of the rejected object?
So what then would we call the current narcissist PD?
Since in my opinion the crux of the disorder is failed mirroring, I would go with symbiotic personality disorder. (In the same way that neither borderline, narcissistic, or schizoid perfectly encapsulates the complexity of their respective disorders, I feel that symbiotic as a general term works well)
In a symbiotic relationship at least one species benefits, while the other species is affected positively, negatively, or not at all. In the clinical context, symbiotic personality disorder would always refers to a negative relationship with the object.
I came upon this word while trying to find one that captured the essence of what it most difficult about interacting with a NP; and that is their dogged resistance to outside perspectives and desires. This is what makes up a least some of the confusion with egotism, in that in a NP's search for mirroring, they can hold no subject (other) higher than their own self. Their worldview is always the correct one, is always the starting point. Again, this demand for mirroring and the negative reactions to failure are mired in very complex inner psychological conditions, and perhaps one day I'll do a post just focusing on that.
In the meantime, I feel that, if you were to put it in fresh terms, what we have called a narcissist is actually someone seeking a mutually positive symbiotic relationship with all subjects - with disordered behavior arising at its failure, leading to consistently negative outcomes.
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All of James Masterson's works regarding personality disorders are essential; here are the three I've made it through so far:
Search for the Real Self (1988)
Disorders of the Self (1996)
Psychotherapy of the Disorders of the Self (2002)
